


In the darkness with you

by ferggirl



Category: Agents of S.H.I.E.L.D. (TV)
Genre: F/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-04-19
Updated: 2014-04-19
Packaged: 2018-01-19 23:35:42
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,062
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1488304
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/ferggirl/pseuds/ferggirl
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>(A darker look at Ward/Simmons.)</p>
<p>She knows she’s in over her head. He’s a specialist, lies are his life. </p>
<p>But he swears he’s not lying to her.</p>
            </blockquote>





	In the darkness with you

**Author's Note:**

  * For [always_a_queen](https://archiveofourown.org/users/always_a_queen/gifts).



She’s never lived a lie.

He’s never done anything else. 

But there’s something about his kiss that burns away that stammering fear that keeps her on the straight and narrow. 

She may hate the deception. But she doesn’t tell anyone.

Not Fitz, who eyes her dreamy smiles with suspicion. (She blames Tripp and feels horrible about it until Grant kisses her guilt away in the supply closet. His strong hands make her forget that things like friendship and honesty matter.)

Not May or Coulson, both so caught up in the bigger picture that they refuse to share. (And if her moments of bravery and defiance tend to follow the truly spectacular orgasms Grant gives her while locked in the bathroom with a hand under her skirt and his mouth on her neck, she likes to pretend it’s all the extra bloodflow.)

Not Skye, who is getting some seriously dreamy eyes of her own. (Jemma tries to ignore them, tells herself it’s an inappropriate crush and that Ward will kindly shut her down. Except that he doesn’t, and she burns with betrayal and the bite marks from their angry encounter serve to remind her how quickly anger can turn to lust.)

She knows she’s in over her head. He’s a specialist, lies are his life. 

But he swears he’s not lying to her. It happens in Milan, a quick fuck in the SHIELD SUV they’ve driven to the drop site. She’s testing for biological agents, their target’s MO, and he’s there to ID the buyer. He lets her run her tests and then hits the locks. Her thighs tense as he pulls the comm out of her ear, she’s already leaning into him when he drops his own into the cup holder.

Boneless and draped over him, after, she worries. “What if they’d needed us?”

"They didn’t."

She glares, pulling her shirt back together and working at the buttons with suddenly clumsy fingers. He pushes her hands aside and fastens her up, but by the time he reaches the top they’re both breathing heavily again.

"You’re such a liar," she whispers, leaning down to kiss him.

He stills beneath her, breaking the kiss to hold her just far enough away that he can look into her eyes. 

"Not with you." It’s a promise. A declaration. She holds it close on those long nights when she wonders why — why he keeps encouraging Skye, why it would be so terrible if anyone else knew. Why she doesn't ever say no.

When SHIELD crumbles, and she isn’t with him, she keeps those words in her heart. She doesn’t expect to see him again. She doesn’t even expect to survive the Hub. But Tripp surprises her, and she passes Agent Hand’s test, and when they break down the doors and take Garrett into custody it’s Fitz that she runs to, but Grant that she’s looking for. 

She doesn’t get much more than a squeeze of the hand before he’s gone again. His eyes are so angry, and she worries, then. She wonders. 

Jemma knows the moment she hears that they’ve taken “the long way” to the Fridge, but she tries to reason it away. There’s a viable Air Force threat. There’s no reason Hand wouldn’t take evasive measures.  _The Fridge is secure._

Until it’s not.

She can’t ignore it then. The certainty. It spirals out from her gut, weighing down her limbs and choking her smile. 

HYDRA. He must be.

She finds the words on her lips multiple times, but never says them. They’ll ask how she knows. They’ll ask why. Surely they’ll suspect that she’s in on it as well. Each time she can’t speak, she knows she’s farther and farther from who she thought she was. One more step away from forgiveness, from truth, from SHIELD, from the team.

To him. 

He lied to them all, but she clings to his promise anyway.

He can’t hurt them from so far away, she reasons. If he comes back, she’ll… she’ll do something.

When Skye drops him off in the exam room with worries about ribs and head wounds, she doesn’t meet his eyes. The door clicks shut, and she hears the lock slide into place.

"Jemma."

She doesn’t want to look. Doesn’t want to know for sure that the lie included her. 

"Oh, Grant." It’s a sigh, barely a breath. But it’s enough for him to move to her. His hands smooth up and down her arms and it’s electric, it’s everything she dreams about and all that has pulled her down this path.

When he pulls her back against him she doesn’t protest, doesn’t argue about blood or injuries or friends just outside. She needs him, his body, his touch. Needs to remember what she’s throwing her life away for.

She wants him, and he knows it.

It’s hard and fierce and possessive. Her arms are marked from bracing against the counter and the unspoken truth between them makes every caress more desperate, every pleasure more forbidden. 

He thinks he’s saying goodbye. She knows she is.

When he finally turns her to face him, there are tears on both of their faces. 

"Jemma I didn’t want-"

Her fingers cover his mouth and he pauses, looking uncertain. 

"Was it the only lie?"

He doesn’t respond, only tilts his bleeding head in question. 

"If I’m Skye, or May, if I’m another distraction…" she tries to be firm, but he catches on part way through and pulls her close again, nipping at her neck. She arches into the embrace and finally, his lips cover hers. 

His kiss is both triumphant and desperate, and she matches his intensity. Then she shoves him back. 

"An answer, if you please."

The smile that spreads across his face is one she’s only seen a few times. It’s hard, almost sinister, and makes her think terribly dirty things. 

"You were never part of the plan," he says. "But you are now."

He says that Garrett can’t know. One more secret, one more lie. She’s getting better. 

She cleans his wounds, patches him up, and sends him away to Skye. She watches her friend’s heart break, and cries with her, and knows it’s too late. 

A few months later, she “dies” in an explosion outside of Jakarta. It’s very convincing. He’s there with a private plane and a new identity. 

She never looks back. 


End file.
